A Folded Napkin

A Truckers Story

If this doesn't light your fire ... Your wood is wet!


I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts about hiring Stevie. His placement counselor assured me that he would be a good, reliable busboy.

But I had never had a mentally handicapped employee and wasn't sure I wanted one. I wasn't sure how my customers would react to Stevie.

He was short, a little dumpy with the smooth facial features and thick-tongued speech of Downs Syndrome. I wasn't worried about most of my trucker customers because truckers don't generally care who buses tables as long as the meatloaf platter is good and the pies are homemade.

The four-wheeler drivers were the ones who concerned me; the mouthy college kids traveling to school; the yuppie snobs who secretly polish their silverware with their napkins for fear of catching some dreaded 'truck stop germ' the pairs of white-shirted business men on expense accounts who think every truck stop waitress wants to be flirted with. I knew those people would be uncomfortable around Stevie so I closely watched him for the first few weeks.

I shouldn't have worried. After the first week, Stevie had my staff wrapped around his stubby little finger, and within a month my truck regulars had adopted him as their official truck stop mascot.

After that, I really didn't care what the rest of the customers thought of him. He was like a 21-year-old kid in blue jeans and Nikes, eager to laugh and eager to please, but fierce in his attention to his duties. Every salt and pepper shaker was exactly in its place, not a bread crumb or coffee spill was visible when Stevie got done with the table. Our only problem was persuading him to wait to clean a table until after the customers were finished. He would hover in the background, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, scanning the dining room until a table was empty. Then he would scurry to the empty table and carefully bus dishes and glasses onto his cart and meticulously wipe the table up with a practiced flourish of his rag. If he thought a customer was watching, his brow would pucker with added concentration. He took pride in doing his job exactly right, and you had to love how hard he tried to please each and every person he met.

Over time, we learned that he lived with his mother, a Widow who was disabled after repeated surgeries for cancer. They lived on their Social Security benefits in public housing two miles from the truck stop. Their social worker, who stopped to check on him every so often, admitted they had fallen between the cracks. Money was tight, and what I paid him was probably the difference between them being able to live together and Stevie being sent to a group home. That's why the restaurant was a gloomy place that morning last August, the first morning in three years that Stevie missed work.

He was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester getting a new valve or something put in his heart. His social worker said that people with Downs Syndrome often have heart problems at an early age so this wasn't unexpected, and there was a good chance he would come through the surgery in good shape and be back at work in a few months.

A ripple of excitement ran through the staff later that morning when word came that he was out of surgery, in recovery, and doing fine.

Frannie, the head waitress, let out a war hoop and did a little dance in the aisle when she heard the good news.

Marvin Ringers, one of our regular trucker customers, stared at the sight of this 50-year-old grandmother of four doing a victory shimmy beside his table

Frannie blushed, smoothed her apron and shot Marvin a withering look.

He grinned. 'OK, Frannie, what was that all about?' he asked.

'We just got word that Stevie is out of surgery and going to be okay.'

'I was wondering where he was. I had a new joke to tell him. What was the surgery about?'

Frannie quickly told Marvin and the other two drivers sitting at his booth about Stevie's surgery, then sighed: ' Yeah, I'm glad he is going to be OK,' she said. 'But I don't know how he and his Mom are going to handle all the bills. From what I hear, they're barely getting by as it is.' Marvin nodded thoughtfully, and Frannie hurried off to wait on the rest of her tables. Since I hadn't had time to round up a busboy to replace Stevie and really didn't want to replace him, the girls were busing their own tables that day until we decided what to do.

After the morning rush, Frannie walked into my office. She had a couple of paper napkins in her hand and a funny look on her face.

'What's up?' I asked.

'I didn't get that table where Marvin and his friends were sitting cleared off after they left, and Pete and Tony were sitting there when I got back to clean it off,' she said. 'This was folded and tucked under a coffee cup'

She handed the napkin to me, and three $20 bills fell onto my desk when I opened it. On the outside, in big, bold letters, was printed 'Something For Stevie.'

'Pete asked me what that was all about,' she said, 'so I told him about Stevie and his Mom and everything , and Pete looked at Tony and Tony looked at Pete, and they ended up giving me this.' She handed me another paper napkin that had 'Something For Stevie' scrawled on its outside. Two $50 bills were tucked within its folds. Frannie looked at me with wet, shiny eyes, shook her head and said simply: 'truckers.'

That was three months ago. Today is Thanksgiving, the first day Stevie is supposed to be back to work.

His placement worker said he's been counting the days until the doctor said he could work, and it didn't matter at all that it was a holiday. He called 10 times in the past week, making sure we knew he was coming, fearful that we had forgotten him or that his job was in jeopardy. I arranged to have his mother bring him to work. I then met them in the parking lot and invited them both to celebrate his day back.

Stevie was thinner and paler, but couldn't stop grinning as he pushed through the doors and headed for the back room where his apron and busing cart were waiting.

'Hold up there, Stevie, not so fast,' I said. I took him and his mother by their arms. 'Work can wait for a minute. To celebrate your coming back, breakfast for you and your mother is on me!' I led them toward a large corner booth at the rear of the room.

I could feel and hear the rest of the staff following behind as we marched through the dining room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw booth after booth of grinning truckers empty and join the procession. We stopped in front of the big table. Its surface was covered with coffee cups, saucers and dinner plates, all sitting slightly crooked on dozens of folded paper napkins. 'First thing you have to do, Stevie, is clean up this mess,' I said. I tried to sound stern.

Stevie looked at me, and then at his mother, then pulled out one of the napkins. It had 'Something for Stevie' printed on the outside. As he picked it up, two $10 bills fell onto the table.

Stevie stared at the money, then at all the napkins peeking from beneath the tableware, each with his name printed or scrawled on it. I turned to his mother. 'There's more than $10,000 in cash and checks on that table, all from truckers and trucking companies that heard about your problems. 'Happy Thanksgiving.'

Well, it got real noisy about that time, with everybody hollering and shouting, and there were a few tears, as well.

But you know what's funny? While everybody else was busy shaking hands and hugging each other, Stevie, with a big smile on his face, was busy clearing all the cups and dishes from the table.

Best worker I ever hired.

Plant a seed and watch it grow.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Count Your Blessings

Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears.
Count your full years instead of your lean; Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
Count your health instead of your wealth; Count on God instead of yourself.

--Author Unknown--
AMEN

Your day in court

After living what I felt was a 'decent' life, my time on earth came to the end.

The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.

The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.

As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'

He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.

He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.

As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let us begin.'

The prosecutor rose and said,

'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this woman belongs in hell.'

He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others Satan told of other horrible Perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not Offering any form of defense at all.

I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This woman belongs in hell, she is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.'

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.

As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.

I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus
representing me, my Lord and my Savior.
He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, 'Hi, Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.

'Satan was correct in saying that this woman had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this woman deserves to be punished.'

Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and she has accepted Me as her
Savior, so she is Mine.'

My Lord continued with, 'Her name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch her from Me.

Satan still does not understand yet. This woman is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.'

As Jesus sat down,

He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,
'There is nothing else that needs to be done.'

'I've done it all.'

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..

'This woman is free.'

The penalty for her has already been paid in full.

'Case dismissed.'

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, 'I won't give up, I will win the next one.' I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, 'Have you ever lost a case?'

Christ lovingly smiled and said,

'Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you,

~Paid In Full~

'Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!'

author unknown

A STRONG CHRISTIAN

What makes me weak? MY FEARS.
What makes me whole? MY GOD.
What keeps me standing? MY FAITH.
What makes me compassionate? MY selflessness.
What makes me honest? MY INTEGRITY.
What sustains my mind? MY QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE.
What teaches me all lessons? MY MISTAKES.
What lifts my head high? MY PRIDE, NOT ARROGANCE.
What if I can't go on? NOT AN OPTION.
What makes me victorious? MY COURAGE TO CLIMB AND FAITH IN GOD.
What makes me competent? MY CONFIDENCE.
What makes me beautiful? MY EVERYTHING.
What makes me a man/woman? MY HEART.
Who says I need love? I DO.
What empowers me? MY GOD.
Who am I? I AM A STRONG CHRISTIAN.
...author unknown, taken from "The Flame" bulletin at my church, Bethesda Temple.

When It's Time to Quit

"It's ok to Quit....." By Motivational Speaker - Veraunda Jackson and shared by my cousin Alice Clark.


1. Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness! Respect their position and keep it moving!
2. Quit telling people your secrets when you know they are not going to keep them! And if you keep telling them, then quit getting mad when they tell your secrets!
3. Quit trying to pull people on your journey who don't want to travel with you. Either they believe in you and value you....or they don't!
4. Quit complaining about things you can't and won't change!
5. Quit gossiping about other people! Minding our own business should be a full time job!
6. Quit blaming each other for things that in the big picture aren't going to matter three weeks from now! Talk solutions...and then implement them!
7. Quit eating things you know are not good for you! If you can't quit...eat smaller portions!
8. Quit buying things when we know we can't afford them! If you don't have self control, then quit going to the stores! Quit charging things, especially when you don't NEED them!
9. Quit staying in unhealthy relationships! It is not okay for people to verbally or physically abuse you! So quit lying to yourself! It is not okay to stay in the marriage for the children! Ask them and they will tell you that they really would prefer to see you happy and that the misery you and your spouse/partner are living with is affecting them!
10. Quit letting family members rope you into the drama! -Start telling them you don't want to hear it! Quit spreading the drama! Quit calling other relatives and telling them about your cousin or aunt! Go back to #5 minding your own business should be enough to keep you busy!
11. Quit trying to change people! IT DOESN'T WORK! Quit cussing people out when you know that they are just being the miserable and jealous people that they are!
12. Quit the job you hate! Start pursuing your passion. Find the job that fuels your passion BEFORE you quit!
13. Quit volunteering for things that you aren't getting any personal fulfillment from anymore! Quit volunteering for things and then failing to follow through with your commitment!
14. Quit listening to the naysayers! Quit watching the depressing news if you are going to live in the doom and gloom of it all!
15. Quit making excuses about why you are where you are or why you can't do what you want to do!
16. Quit waiting on others to give you the answers...and start finding the answers for yourself! If what you are doing isn't working for you...then quit it!
17. Quit settling and start making your dreams a reality!- Quit being afraid and START LIVING YOUR LIFE! CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT!
If you want something different than what you have had in the past...you must quit doing what you have done before and DO something different!
JUST QUIT IT ...... and START DOING something to create the experience you want!

What I've Got To Tell

Some of you have been reading my newsletters for almost two years. Others have been on board for a few months. I’ve shared blessings in my life, funny moments, or heart-wrenching events (such as my grandma’s dying months or my son’s horrific car accident last year). Despite the remnants of the crash scene, he has recovered and is wearing God’s tattoo on his arm to prove he survived.

A while back, I remember saying, “Lord, I want to see a miracle.” When I reflected on my request, I thought uh oh. Basically, I asked God for a testimony that is the result of a test or a miracle: a healing, a blessing, or saving our lives. Since we are big mouthed people by nature, we’ve got to tell somebody about something that happened. Hint. Here’s what I’ve got to tell:

In the September newsletter, I shared a story about how God could spared me from harm. This month, God intervened on Jared, my son’s behalf, again.
Simi, who lives on campus fifteen minutes from the house (yeah, I know it’s not far enough), decided to spend the weekend at home. Jared is an asthmatic and has suffered from bronchitis since he was diagnosed at the age of two. We lugged a portable nebulizer machine everywhere Jared went. His treatment plan called for him to inhale a solution mixed with albuterol two to four times a day. Recently, I told him, "Unless the Lord has healed you, you need to be under a doctor's care." This was my advice since he wasn’t taking any medicine. Since I'm mom and don't know what I’m medically talking about, he paid me no mind.

O-k-a-y. Fast forward some weeks. I’m away on a book tour when Jared comes home after work and goes to bed. He kept waking up every half hour because he couldn't breathe. The interruptions stretched until 2 am. He finally told Simi he needed to go to Walgreen’s, but he ended in the emergency room. Thank God she happened to be "spending the night," otherwise he would have had to dial 911.
By the time Simi got him to the hospital, his breathing was labored. The intake nurse knew he was in trouble when he could barely talk. They rushed him into a room and began treatment. The physician told him his heart was pumping much too fast and diagnosed him with asthma with acute exacerbation.
The testimony is Jared is still alive. Can you imagine returning home and finding your child (I don’t care if he is 24 years old) dead?

Am I over-reacting? I don't think so. According to the Mayo Clinic, more than 4,000 people die from asthma each year. Twenty four percent are African Americans. In conclusion, testimonies are always followed by the ‘what ifs.’ What if my daughter wasn’t at home? What if Jared had already moved into his apartment? What if I had been home, would I have known something was wrong? What if? Need I say more? I’ll take a testimony over a tragedy any day.

Food for Thought

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.
When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.
...on the flipside.

A friend of mine sent me this e-mail as a joke, then I realized some people may not steal, but make a presumptuous bad move and figure God will forgive them later. Hmmm, now I'm praying for more patience!
***When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me**

My testimony

Last Friday afternoon, hours before my book release party, I drove my husband’s truck to Hancock’s Fabrics. I frequent the store often. As I got out and locked my door, the Lord spoke to me, “Watch the girls.”
A few cars away, on my right, there was a group of ladies getting into a car. They looked harmless, so I continued on to the entrance, but I picked up my pace, glancing over my shoulder a couple of times.
Once inside, I forgot all about the warning. I purchased the one thing I came for—a spool of thread to finish an outfit.
As I walked out, I saw another young woman, perhaps in her twenties, walking across the parking lot a good distance away from me. She wasn’t necessarily coming my way, but I faintly heard her say, “Excuse me.” I guess to get my attention and wait for her to come to me or me to approach her.

The Lord told me to run. I ignored the woman, unlocked the car from my hand remote and ran, not knowing the woman had begun chasing me. I got in, locked the door without waiting for the automatic lock. Thank God the truck started up right away. It’s not unusual for the truck’s engine to stall. Within seconds, the woman’s body slammed against my driver’s door. Since the woman wasn’t very close to me, she had to run at bionic speed to cause the force of her impact.

As my heart thumped against my chest, I sped away, peeling rubber. I didn’t stop until I had drove off the lot. Afterward, the Lord spoke again and let me know the woman meant me “no good.” She planned to harm me, but God spared my life. I don’t know if it would have been by knife or gun, but I would surely have been hospitalized AND MISSED MY BOOK RELEASE PARTY! Seriously, I thought about the passage of scripture pertaining to the devil looking for a prey. 1 Peter 5:8: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

I continue to reflect on that incident and praise God that I’m alive and safe. I was sober and not on a cell phone, and most importantly, as a daily ritual, I never leave my house without anointing my head with Holy Oil. My cup runneth over, surely that day goodness and mercy did follow me.
Jesus says His sheep knoweth His voice. I’m grateful that I listened.
Be blessed and thanks for reading.
Pat

You Reap What You Sow

'Good morning," said a woman as she walked up to the man sitting on the ground.

The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life.

His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before. "Leave me alone," he growled....

To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked.

"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away."

The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm.

"What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.

Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"

The officer scratched his head.. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"

"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile..."

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. "Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything."

"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived...

The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this, is this man in trouble?"

"This lady brought this man in here to be feed," the policeman answered.

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"

"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."

"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"

"What business is that of yours?"

I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company.."

"Oh."

The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"

"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel, "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.

"That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently. "Jack, do you remember me?"

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."

"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly.. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."

Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."

"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble... Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.

"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered.." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons...He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet.. If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you."

There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he said.

"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus... He led me to you."

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways..

"Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And..And thank you for the coffee."


If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing.

If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh.

But, if you have missed knowing my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you have missed everything in the world.

Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you..

God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart..

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

The power of one sentence!

God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..

Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...

Author unknown

What A Woman Wants

What a Woman Wants in a Man, Original List:
Handsome
Charming
Financially successful
A caring listener
Witty
In good shape
Dresses with style
Appreciates finer things
Full of thoughtful surprises
An imaginative, romantic lover.

What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
Nice Looking (prefer hair on his head)
Opens car doors, holds chairs
Has enough money for a nice dinner
Listens more than talks
Laughs at her jokes
Carries bags of groceries with ease
Owns at least one tie
Appreciates a good home cooked meal
Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
Seeks romance at least once a week

What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
Not too ugly (bald head okay)
Doesn't drive off until she's in the car
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when she's talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
Remembers to put the toilet seat down
Shaves most weekends

What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
Doesn't belch or scratch in public
Doesn't borrow money too often
Doesn't nod off to sleep when she's venting
Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
Appreciates a good TV dinner
Remembers her name on occasion
Shaves some weekends

What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
Doesn't scare small children
Remembers where the bathroom is
Doesn't require much money for upkeep
Only snores lightly when asleep
Remembers why he's laughing
Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
Usually wears some clothes
Likes soft foods
Remembers where he left his teeth
Remembers that it's the weekend

What a Woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
Breathing
Doesn't miss the toilet

author unknown

A Religious Dog

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted.

The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. 'Fetch the Bible,' he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. 'Now find Psalm 23' he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor and showing the marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and found the correct passage, then pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit.

The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. Finally, one man asked, 'Can he do regular dog tricks, too?' 'I haven't tried yet,' the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. 'HEEL!' the pastor commanded.

The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, 'Good Lord! He's Pentecostal.

author unknown